


Safe With Me.

by 3BeesAndCoffee3



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bathing/Washing, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Is Trying, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Struggles With emotions, Cuddling, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Memory Alteration, Mentions of Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Torture, Protective Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-08-08 20:12:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7771543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3BeesAndCoffee3/pseuds/3BeesAndCoffee3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was the first bath he’d been able to tangle Bucky into since he’d arrived back with Steve, and unsurprisingly he’d relaxed quickly. He knew the things that always calmed him, especially during war, it was no different now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Safe With Me.

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: [My Blog](http://hey-kids-want-some-avengers.tumblr.com/)
> 
> literally wrote this is forty minutes today, soooooo here you go??? I don’t know?? I just needed it out of my head I guess???

“There you go, it’s alright,” Steve mumbled quietly, hands gently carding through Bucky’s hair, soaping up the greasy strands until his scalp was warm and washed, suds and bubbles running down his neck and cheeks, only to be wiped up moments later.

Bucky was pliant, leaning nearly lifelessly against the tub, his shoulders slack and his eyes heavy with the need for sleep. His body was almost fully submerged in the warm and soapy water, a ring dividing his wet and dry skin stopping just bellow his collar bone where the water hit. His eyes were cast down, occasionally fluttering shut from exhaustion and the gentle sedation from the lavender scent of the soap.

Bucky nuzzled gently against Steve’s hand, burying it deeper in his hair. It was long past time to rinse it, but for some reason Steve couldn’t bring himself to force Bucky up into a proper sitting position, to have to explain to him what it was he had to do, because Bucky rarely understood, and things he didn’t understand scared him. That was the last thing Steve wanted to do. Most likely, he was so far gone at this point that he could easily position Bucky into a sitting position and gently pour a cup or two of the lukewarm water over his head, carefully avoiding his eyes as he rinsed it clean of shampoo. Still, he wasn’t sure he wanted to risk it with how content he was right now. It wasn't easy getting Bucky calmed.

Steve slowly moved his hand from Bucky’s hair after several more moments of him gently stroking his hair and Bucky whined in protest, his metal hand twitching slightly in the water and his eyes trailing lazily back to Steve with a nearly hurt expression, confusion racing.

“No, no, shh, I’ve just gotta rinse it, okay Buck?” Steve assured quietly, as calmingly as he could as he leaned over the tub and pressed a soft kiss to his temple, ignoring the slick soap against his lips. Steve was kneeling on the floor, legs tucked neatly under him while he leaned over the edge of the tub to wash Bucky. This was the first bath he’d been able to tangle Bucky into since he’d arrived back with Steve, and unsurprisingly he’d relaxed quickly. He knew the things that always calmed him, especially during war, it was no different now.

“Steve,” Bucky mumbled, his voice was dry and cracked under the heavy movement of his lips.

“Yeah?”

Bucky didn’t respond, but instead sunk lower down into the bath, tilting his head in what Steve guessed was supposed to be a helpful position. Steve smiled softly and stroked his hair again before he cupped the water in his hands and slowly poured it over his head, watching the foamy water trail down his skin. “I’m here,” Steve assured, obviously having been what Bucky wanted to hear, considering the small, half smile that tugged at his lips. “I’m right here.”

Slowly and gently, Steve continued to rinse his hair and skin of soap until it was all gone and he could let Bucky rest a bit longer. Something as simple as getting out of the tub and into bed proved to be quite the process for both of them, simple things like this often were with Bucky, not that he minded, or blamed Bucky for it. These things put stress on Bucky, hurt him physically and or mentally and it killed Steve just a little inside when he watched him have to go through it.

Sometimes, trying to get Bucky dressed in the morning, the sun just beginning to shine through the window and pour it’s light onto the bed, would send him into a near panic attack. It was hard for Bucky to function like Steve did, to do the things normal people could do, because while everyone else slid by their day doing the simple things like getting dressed and brushing their hair with little to no thought to it, he had to focus on it, along with a million other things he couldn’t forget. Bucky’s head was full of awful things he would never forget, images that would never dull, and those awful things had covered up and overwhelmed the easy and simple things in comparison. After a while, he forgot about hygiene and eating and dressing properly, because they were easily shadowed by HYDRA, by the things the winter soldier had done. Now it was Steve’s job to help him balance the two at the very least, if not drown out the bad things with good.

“Come on Buck, up,” Steve said softly, gently putting his hands under Bucky’s armpits and pulling up slightly for emphasis. Trying to keep his words simple so he’d understand and his orders clear, without them sounding too much like something a HYDRA agent would order on him, it wasn’t easy and he slipped up more than he thought he should, but he still tried.

Their lives had become so complicated in the time since they were young and in Brooklyn, but he tried not to think about that, he tried not to think about how long it'd been. He couldn’t let himself, not when his best friend was right here in his tub and he needed him like Steve has always needed him before. Steve had become his lifeline. It wouldn’t be right, not when he had so much to be thankful for.

Bucky sucked in a breath, muscles shifting and tensing in his shoulders as he managed to stand on wobbily legs. He was firm, toned well with muscle showing the ruthless hours, days he’d been forced to work, but he still seemed weak, underfed and under nurtured. Generally sick, an odd look on him, really.

“There you go, just like that,” Steve kept his hands there, not supporting his body so much as just giving Bucky an odd sense of support and comfort. He could do more physically than he could mentally, and thus resulting in his physical limitations being because of his mental barriers. Things he’d put up probably for his own safety at the time, to tell himself he couldn’t do these things without help, without orders.

Eventually, Steve had guided him out of the bath and onto the soft blue bath mat on the floor beside the tub. Bucky stayed silent and stared down most the time, watching beads of water run down his body in a zig-zag of patterns, rolling off his skin and hitting the mat bellow him where it was than quickly soaked up into the foam material. He only looked up when Steve lay a towel over his shoulders, he’d made sure it was soft and thick to hopefully stop his skin from being raised with goosebumps. He seemed so cold all the time now, it bothered Steve a little, made him obsessed with keeping him warm no matter how trivial it really was. It made him feel inferior if he couldn’t even do that.

Steve continued to coo soft and comforting things to Bucky while he dried his hair and gently ran the towel over his body until Bucky picked up on it enough to help. Any sliver of modesty they’d had left after bunking together during war, which there wasn’t much of, was completely gone now. Body parts were body parts, especially when the person inside that skin was screaming with suffering. Taking care of his best friend was considerably more important than seeing his genitals, despite Tony’s teasing.

Bucky had the towel tugged tightly around his shoulders, tight enough his knuckles were white and his metal hand creaked a little, but Steve let him anyways. Let him do what he thought was needed, what comforted him, only interfered with Bucky’s doings (no matter how strange) when they became an issue, panicking, hurting himself, driving himself to an episode.

Carefully, Steve brushed through Bucky’s hair. It was soft now, the ends split and worn, but still considerably more visually appealing than the greasy, dirty and matted hair from before. He tried to be gentle, tried to hurry too, because Bucky kept making whimpering sounds whenever the brush caught in his hair even though it probably didn’t hurt that much, it still made Steve cringe a little. He hated doing things that bothered Bucky.

Once he finished, he helped him into clean clothes, another pair of sweats and a baggy white t-shirt, ones that didn’t smell like sweat and anxiety.

“Thank you..” Bucky mumbled, his voice still cracked. Usually raw despite how much water he drank. He was quiet and his hand was running over the fabric of the pants carefully.

Steve wasn’t stupid, he knew to keep things similar for Bucky, even if it was only the clothes he wore. It was easier for Bucky to focus on getting better if he wasn’t distracted with unimportant things, and his mind did wander now, trying to make sure these weren’t just fake memories, that this was real, that he was real. “Of course Buck, that’s why I’m here, right?” Steve grinned at him, gently touching his chin and tilting up until they were looking at each other. Bucky’s eyes were still brilliantly blue, if not slightly dulled over time.

Bucky mirrored his expression slightly, as if he wasn’t quite sure how he was supposed to look happy. “Yeah,” Bucky breathed before nuzzling his way against Steve, his head tucking against Steve’s neck and shoulder, breath soft and warm against his skin. His arms and hands stayed to himself, Steve noticed he did that a lot, so he didn’t push it, but instead wrapped his arms around Bucky, pulling him just slightly closer but keeping his grip loose enough he’d be able to move freely or pull away if he wanted, if he needed.

They stayed like that until Bucky quietly asked to go to bed, which Steve obliged to right away. Once they were in bed, Steve pulled the sheets up over them both and let Bucky press himself against Steve, his head falling softly into the pillow and letting his eyes flutter shut. The lights dim, not all the way off, but dimmed just enough it cast a soft glow across the room. It was comforting.

It wasn’t hopeless, Steve never thought it was, he just knew it would take time, and right now, he was okay with how everything was now, even if it never got better than it was now. Because at least now he had Bucky, he knew how Bucky was doing at all times, knew where he was, and even if he wasn’t doing well, at least he was here to help now.

“G'night Bucky,” Steve whispered quietly against the shell of Bucky’s ear, grinning when he felt Bucky squirm, whining.

“Knock it off punk.”

Steve chuckled and relaxed back into the bed, wrapping his arm around Bucky, ready to be woken up an hour later by Bucky’s broken sobs from a nightmare. It had all just become routine. “What’s wrong, ticklish?” Steve asked playfully, trying to get Bucky's shoulders to relax.

Bucky only grunted softly in response before going quiet, the room being filled with his gentle breathing only minutes later. At least he was falling asleep easier now.

This was okay for now, for Bucky it was okay.


End file.
